


i don't love you

by Violet_Tempest



Series: do you love me? [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Oblivious Tsukishima Kei, Overstimulation, Pining Kageyama Tobio, Pining Tsukishima Kei, Third Year Hinata Shouyou, Third Year Kageyama Tobio, Third Year Tsukishima Kei, Third Year Yamaguchi Tadashi, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:20:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29600970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Violet_Tempest/pseuds/Violet_Tempest
Summary: “hey, tsukishima,” tobio began—tsukishima and not kei, because whatever intimacy or affection they shared had already ended. “do you love me?”the question was asked with a passive expression. nonchalant. as though the answer wouldn’t matter in the least either way.“no,” he stated. “i don’t love you.”tobio gave him a small smile, bidding him goodnight, before closing the door to his bedroom.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Tobio & Tsukishima Kei, Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Akiteru & Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Yachi Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: do you love me? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2174766
Comments: 8
Kudos: 167





	i don't love you

a hand splayed between his partner’s shoulder blades, kei thrust into the body writhing beneath. moans of pleasure pierced the otherwise and the sound of skin slapping skin pierced through the otherwise silent room as they both chased their climax.

“kei. please. please, let me come,” he begged, rolling his hips and pushing back to meet every branding thrust.

teary eyes, dilated and glowing with lust, peered up at him, pleas falling from pouty, kiss-swollen lips as hands gripped at kei’s bedsheets. a pretty blush colored the other boy’s cheeks, all the way down to his neck and chest, and his mouth was open, panting with both exertion and ecstasy.

the sight was so obscene that kei felt the tell-tale tingle signaling that he was about to come. pausing his movement for a second, and eliciting a whine from his partner, he readjusted his grip on the other boy’s hips before slamming back in, a shout ripping from the person below him.

sweat crawled down his neck, his back, as he increased his pace. kei was relentless, practically branding his partner with every thrust and earning high-pitched gasps from the body beneath him.

“fuck,” kei hissed. “you’re so tight.”

“kei,” his partner whimpered, “i’m-i’m coming!”

he reached one hand around to grip the other boy’s cock, stroking the hardened member once, twice before his partner was coming with a drawn-out moan. kei thrust once, twice, three more times and buried himself balls-deep as he reached his own orgasm.

  
  
  


“hey, tsukishima,” tobio began—tsukishima and not kei, because whatever intimacy or affection they shared had already ended. “do you love me?”

the question was asked with a passive expression. nonchalant. as though the answer wouldn’t matter in the least either way.

“no,” he stated. “i don’t love you.”

tobio gave him a small smile, bidding him goodnight, before closing the door to his bedroom.

* * *

“are you an idiot?” hinata asked him. and for once, tobio didn’t bother to correct him. “why the hell are you even sleeping with him if he loves someone else?”

the answer was easy. “because i love him.”

so much so that it hurt. a constant, persistent aching that clawed at his heart and burned his throat. he had become so familiar with the pain that he could no longer remember how it felt to live without it.

and he had tried, countless times, to forget this feeling. he had tried, countless times, to forget the cause of it. he had tried, countless times, but had never succeeded.

because how could he ever forget kei? kei, whose golden eyes seemed to melt his soul.

but the words haunted him, echoing and reverberating through him. they tore his heart to pieces and threatened to suffocate him.

_ “i don’t love you.” _

* * *

tadashi smiled, and kei thought it might very well be one of the beautiful sights in the world.

the shorter boy had been engrossed in a deep conversation with their manager, eyes practically glowing with adoration and expression completely lovestruck. completely unassuming and unaware of the emotions kei felt.

now in their third year, tadashi had grown tremendously. he held himself with the confidence and self-assurance that he had lacked during their first-year. his scrawny build had been replaced by toned muscles from unending hours of practice. melted baby fat had transformed his face, though pretty before, into something kei could barely take his eyes off of.

he  _ burned _ .

forcing himself to look away, to focus on their practice, kei met midnight-blue eyes.

tobio stared at him. one, two seconds too long for it to be a coincidence. and then a smile, small and secretive.

kei ripped his eyes away.

* * *

“why don’t you just confess?” tobio suggested one day, ripping open a sandwich he bought.

“obviously because it would make things awkward between us,” kei replied, eating from his own bento.

both of them had escaped to the sanctity of the roof for lunch. tobio because he couldn’t deal with hinata’s nonstop babbling, and kei because he couldn’t deal with tadashi and yachi acting all lovey-dovey.

“then do you just plan on loving him all of your life?” tobio asked.

“of course not,” he stated.

“then how are you ever going to get over him?”

kei shrugged. “don’t know. wait until my feelings die out, i guess.”

“it’s not that easy, you know,” tobio said softly, glaring at his sandwich as though it had offended him somehow.

“well, what can i do?”

“no idea.”

kei snorted. “thank you for such  _ insightful _ advice, king.”

tobio wrinkled his nose, scowling. “piss off, beanpole.”

a smirk formed on his lips, amusement rushing through him in waves. it was always so easy to rile tobio and garner a reaction.

it was different than their first-year though. no longer insulting exchanges, but teasing banter between friends. because they  _ were _ friends. when and how he had no idea, but kei remembered the utter shock and  _ what-the-fuck _ feeling when he realized.

“i need help for my test,” tobio told him. “tutor me.”

it became customary at this point for the setter to ask kei. and it had become customary for kei to agree. “Sure.”

they fell into a comfortable silence after that, neither of them minding the absence of conversation. both of them were quiet people, introspective by mature. they did not feel the need to indulge in meaningless chatter. not like hinata or tadashi or yachi, who were all more inclined to be talkative.

being with tobio was easy.

  
  
  


later, only a few minutes before the bell was going to ring for them to return to class, kei asked, “do you want my lunch?”

the meager sandwich tobio bought didn’t even come close to satisfying the setter’s absurdly large appetite. and kei’s mother always packed him more than he could eat. he saw no harm in offering the younger boy food either.

tobio gave him a questioning look. “why are you so suddenly giving me food?”

kei shrugged. “a whim.”

“you’re skinny enough as it is,” the setter chided, scowling. “don’t go giving your food away.”

he rolled his eyes. “one time won’t do anything—”

all of a sudden, he found chopsticks practically shoved through his mouth, tasting the rice and chicken of his lunch on his tongue. 

kei glared at tobio. “i could have choked,” he exclaimed.

the raven only crossed his arms, his head tilted in a defiant angle. clearly not sorry in the least. “if you’re not going to eat, i’ll shove the food down your throat.”

knowing the younger boy was dead-serious and not wanting to die an early death, kei snarled a, “Fine,” before eating the rest of his lunch.

he pointedly ignored the smug, satisfied expression tobio wore when he finished.

* * *

it was easy to take comfort with tobio. to take comfort in his body.

when they had started this...thing between them, he had been at the breaking point of his emotions. he had felt too raw and vulnerable, years of pining and  _ loving _ consumed him, with the announcement that tadashi and yachi were dating.

it had been easy to accept tobio’s offer of comfort.

and they had continued with this relationship for months afterward. had become so accustomed to it that they knew each other’s bodies better than their own at this point.

he groaned when tobio took him deeper into his mouth, tongue rubbing the underside of his cock and sucking until it was almost painful. deft fingers massaged his balls, heightening the already overwhelming pleasure.

“tobio—nngh—i’m cl-close,” he warned.

immediately, the mouth came off. tobio climbed on top of him, bracing a hand on his shoulder and holding his cock with the other. he positioned himself over kei’s member, a moan escaping through swollen lips as he sunk down the entire length.

the warmth and tightness was suffocating in the most pleasurable ways, and he struggled to keep from coming so soon. 

hands now on his chest, tobio lifted himself until only the head was still inside, muscles in his thighs flexing, before slamming back down. kei watched the setter throw his head back in pleasure, lips parted and flush sitting high on his cheeks.

tobio set a brutal pace, bouncing up and down with fervor, occasionally grounding down, rolling his hips, before continuing with the rough rhythm.

“kei,” the raven whimpered, eyes watering. “t-touch me. tou-touch me, please!”

kei obliged without hesitation, taking the younger boy’s cock in his hand. he stroked it, harsh and fast, until pre-come was dripping onto his stomach and the setter was a moaning mess above him.

tobio came with a cry, strings of come painting his chest.

impatient for his own release, kei place both hands on the setter’s hips, pushing them down at the same time he thrust up. a scream ripped from tobio’s lips, his body shaking with overstimulation.

“w-wait, k-kei,” the blue-eyed boy whined, collapsing onto his chest. “it’s-it’s too-too much. I just came!”

unlistening, he continued with his pace, slamming into hot, squeezing walls with animalistic thrusts. it was only a few more moments before he was spilling into tobio.

“sorry,” he apologized to the trembling body above him, running his hand down the setter’s back to soothe him. tobio was still shaking from the aftermath. “i pushed you too much.” 

“it’s fine,” tobio mumbled, breaths still uneven. “i would have said the safe word if it was too much for me to handle.”

“are you okay?”

“mmhmm.” 

“if it’s too much, you can stay the night,” he offered.

the body above him tensed, and it was only a moment later when tobio pushed off of him. a panicked expression flitted across his face, but it was gone so fast that kei wondered whether he had imagined it.

“no,” the setter declined. “i should go home.”

  
  
  


tobio opened the door to his empty house, immediately going to his room and collapsing on the bed. exhaustion—physical and emotional—crawled at his mind.

“what am i doing?” he breathed into the darkness, tears pricking at his eyes.

he had no idea anymore. what to do about the situation. what to do about kei. what to do about his feelings.

he  _ can’t _ entertain any notion about kei returning his feelings. the middle blocker was quite clearly in love with yamaguchi. there was no room in his heart for anyone else. certainly not tobio.

he cried himself to sleep.

* * *

“are you and kageyama dating?” tadashi asked him one day.

kei froze, hand suspended midair, worksheet unanswered. all he could think to say was, “what?”

“are you and kageyama dating?” his best friend repeated.

he felt his heart drop to his stomach, humorless laughter threatening to bubble from his lips. he had never though tadashi could be cruel—with his kind and gentle nature and all—but this came close to it. the cluelessness was torture.

“we’re not dating,” he gritted out.

“oh, really? you two have been hanging out together a lot, so I just assumed…”

_ stop. _

“friends can spend time with each other,” kei stated stiffly, completely disbelieving of the situation.

_ please. _

“i don’t know...there’s this weird tension between you two.”

_ before i break. _

“we’re not dating,” he repeated. kei felt like he was suffocating.

“well, i think you and kageyama would make a cute couple,” tadashi told him, smiling. it was so innocent that kei wanted to claw it off.

“we’re  _ not  _ dating,” kei snarled, voice rising as the anger and frustration threatened to consume him. he felt pathetic—the person he loved thought he was dating someone else. “i would  _ never _ date kageyama!”

a crash brought their attention to the door, and kei was greeted by the sight of tobio. the setter was wide-eyed, looking between the two of them. the poles for the volleyball net forgotten on the ground.

scowling, kei walked out of the gym. 

  
  
  


“tsukishima,” a voice called for him.

kei ignored him, continuing with his brisk walk.

“hey, tsukishima!” tobio yelled, catching him by the sleeve of his jacket.

he glanced at the younger boy, whose breathing was a bit uneven, and scowled. “ _ what? _ ” 

“um...are you...okay?” tobio asked dumbly.

“what do you think?” he snapped, irritated that the setter would even ask that after the conversation kei knew he heard.

“can i...help you?”

“why do you care?” his tone was harsh. cold. but he could care less at the moment, with how absolutely pathetic he felt.

tobio frowned. “i care about you,” the setter stated, midnight-blue eyes shining with sincerity. “you’re important to me.”

kei sneered. he was already embarrassed enough as it is, having tobio pity him only made it worse. “it’s none of your business. we’re nothing more than fuck buddies.”

he regretted the words almost immediately, watching the setter’s open expression shudder into a cold, emotionless mask. “right,” tobio mumbled. “sorry i asked.”

_ that’s not what i meant. wait. please.  _ the words, however, got stuck in his throat as he watched the setter walk back into the gym, not looking back even once.

_ shit.  _

_ fuck. _

kei wanted to jump off a cliff.

* * *

it had been a long time since tobio’s cried so much. not since kazuyo-san died.

_ “we’re nothing more than fuck buddies.” _

the words kept repeating in his mind, in an unending, continuous loop. taunting him.

_ god _ , tobio had been so  _ stupid _ . he knew that kei would never date him, but he at least hoped the middle blocker had cared about him to some extent.

_ “we’re nothing more than fuck buddies.” _

he should have known better. should’ve known not to get lost in his own fantasies.

_ “we’re nothing more than fuck buddies.” _

his heart ached, the pain hot and biting. as though a thousand needles, sterilized in fire, was piercing through it. 

if he didn’t know better, he would have thought it was bleeding.

_ “we’re nothing more than fuck buddies.” _

another sob wracked through his body, molten-gold eyes invading the forefront of his mind. 

_ “we’re nothing more than fuck buddies.” _

tobio felt so cold. so hollow. to think that that was all kei thought of their relationship. 

_ i love him. _

* * *

kei was drowning. he was suffocating. he wanted to scream. at himself. at tobio.  _ anything _ for the setter to not look at him with such dead, listless eyes.

he had tried, for the past few days, to apologize. to ask for forgiveness. to tell tobio that he had been feeling angry and frustrated and pathetic and he had meant  _ none of it _ . but tobio had been avoiding him. hinata helping.

and  _ fuck _ , he knew he messed up. he didn’t need the orange-haired shrimp glaring and scowling at him on top of that. he was already feeling guilty enough as it was.

kei had become acutely aware of how much he cared about the setter these past few days. how much took the other boy’s company for granted. 

the blue-eyed boy had been a soothing presence these past few months, more so than he had ever realized. 

_ and you had taken him for granted _ .

* * *

he had apologized. tobio had accepted.

but all of it felt so  _ wrong _ .

“tsukishima,” tobio breathed, panting. “hurry up. i’m close.”

the younger boy had his face buried in one of kei’s pillows, his body shivering with every thrust of kei’s hips. tobio had refused to look at him ever since their argument. had refused to call him by his given name.

like he was an actual fuck buddy.

and kei wanted to cry. because this was all  _ his  _ fault.

but he didn’t know how to solve it.

  
  
  


“hey, tsukishima. let’s end this.”

tobio had his back turned to him, pulling a shirt over his head. he had said it so nonchalantly, so indifferent, that kei might’ve been fooled if he didn’t know better.

“look at me and say that, tobio,” kei demanded, feeling as though the walls of his room were closing in on him.

the setter stood still in the middle of his room, unmoving save for the clenching and unclenching of his fist. he heard a sharp inhale of air before the younger suddenly whipped around.

“i’m tired,” tobio told him, midnight-blue eyes glimmering with such sadness that kei felt like he would actually drown. 

without waiting for a response, tobio bid him goodnight before closing the door to his bedroom.

the click was deafening.

* * *

an inexplicably lonely feeling had overtake him ever since he ended their...whatever it was with tobio. empty. like something was missing from his life.

he knew exactly what it was. or rather, who it was.

“kei.”

he had underestimated how much of his life revolved around tobio. had underestimated how much he cared for the younger boy. 

“kei.”

kei missed his company during lunch. missed the small smiles tobio occasionally sent his way. missed him lecturing kei to take better care of his health. most importantly, he missed  _ him _ .

“KEI,” akiteru yelled, snapping out of his thoughts.

“...huh?”

“geez, what’s with you?” his brother asked. “i’ve been calling you for a while now. is something wron—kei?”

“akiteru,” kei cried, tears streaming down his face without reserve. “what do i do?”

  
  
  


he told his brother everything that happened after he calmed down and was taken by surprise when akiteru asked, “you two weren’t dating?”

kei blew his nose into a tissue. “no,” he sniffled, remembering his conversation with tadashi. “why does everyone think you’re dating?”

his brother gave him an incredulous look. “kei. i thought you were supposed to be smart.”

irritated, he snapped, “what the hell do you even mean?”

“you two hang out together all the time!”

“friends hang out together, you know.”

“but kei! you smile a lot when you’re with him. kageyama smiles a lot at you, too.”

“we can smile as friends, you know.”

“you don’t smile when you’re with tadashi, though,” akiteru pointed out. “kageyama doesn’t smile at hinata either. in fact, i think i’ve only ever seen him smile when he was with you. besides, do you not see the way he looks at you?”

“...and how does he look at me, exactly?”

“like he’s in love with you.”

* * *

kei was an idiot. he was  _ fucking stupid. _

how the hell did he never notice that tobio had been in love with him all this time?

he should have known the moment the setter offered to sleep with him. tobio wasn’t the type of person to give his body away to someone he didn’t love. 

kei was  _ fucking blind _ .

he had been so caught up in his feeling for tadashi that he never noticed how differently tobio acted with him compared to others. 

it had been plainly obvious. 

“kei?” tobio mumbled questioningly.

his hair was disheveled and his voice was groggy. a hand rubbed at his eyes, squinting at him. he had just gotten out of bed. which made sense since kei was coming to his house only a few minutes passed midnight.

“what are you doing—”

kei didn’t even wait for him to finish before he was tackling tobio to the ground, holding him in a tight hug.

“what are you—” tobio screamed.

“i’m sorry,” kei whispered, holding him tighter. 

“...what?”

“i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m so, so sorry,” he apologized. over and over again.

“wait. kei. what the hell are you apologizing for?” tobio demanded, voice laced with confusion.

“for everything,” he breathed. “for saying we’re nothing more than fucking buddies. for taking you for granted. for not realizing you loved me.”

a sharp inhale. a shaky exhale. “you...know?” 

kei let out a bitter, humorless laugh. “i only realized a few hours ago. and only because akiteru told me. fuck, i’m so  _ dumb _ .”

“...why are you here, kei?” tobio sounded close to tears.

“can we-can we...start over?” he swallowed. hard. “i-i want to start over. i want to...be in an actual relationship with you. no more blurred lines.”

trembling hand gripped at the back of his shirt. “this isn’t fair,” tobio whined, and kei could feel tears wetting his shoulders. 

“i know. i’m sorry.”

“i wanted to forget about you.”

“i’m sorry.”

“i was going to forget you this time.”

“i’m sorry.”

a sob wracked the body in his arms. “i love you, kei,” tobio cried.

  
  
  


he woke up the next morning in tobio’s bed. 

after tobio had calmed down last night, the younger had led them into his bedroom, which was barren save for a volleyball, weights, and some magazines. they had collapsed into the bed, simply holding each other the entire night—nothing sexual whatsoever.

kei smiled as he looked at tobio’s sleeping face, thinking he wouldn’t mind waking up to this sight every morning.

**Author's Note:**

> My heart hurt writing this, but I was in the mood for angst. So much angst! I was crying for Tobio even though I was the one who was writing everything.
> 
> I don't know why, but I always need to read TsukkiKage fics with angst in them. Otherwise, it doesn't feel satisfactory. Weird, I know, but it is what it is (maybe I'm just a masochist).
> 
> Also, the is my first attempt at writing smut. It's a big but not very big (?) part of the story, you know what I mean? So, I'd like to hear opinion about it. I kept it minimalistic since that's what suited the story best.
> 
> As you can see, this will be part of series. I'm thinking three parts in total, so two more fics for it.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed reading it. And hope I sent you on rollercoaster of emotions 😉.


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